Lena Lacrosse
New Year's resolutions started in ancient Babylon. At that time it was in March and related to planting in the spring. They believed that accomplishing their resolutions would result in the Gods looking favorably upon them for the next year. Find out more from this article. More than 4,000 years later people are still setting resolutions.
More than 88% of people that set their resolutions break them within 2 weeks because they go too hard. I am one of these people, so I don’t set “resolutions,” instead I make small goals or intentions. I’m working toward accomplishing things like being a “good” parent, living a healthy lifestyle, exploring new careers, pursuing my passions, and finding hacks for my ADHD. Something I’m personally learning to do is to take slower steps to accomplishing my goals and not trying to do all the things right now. That is something that I struggle with, but am learning to take smaller steps and be compassionate with myself along the way. One of my favorite Peloton instructors, Jess Simms says, "You're allowed to be a work in progress and a masterpiece at the same damn time.” How can you accomplish your goals and resolutions without giving up? Here are some things that help me.
Make a SMART Goal (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic/Relevant, Time-bound)- Make sure your goals are something that you can actually measure and achieve in a reasonable and realistic amount of time. For example, trying to cut yourself off of all sweets cold turkey is really hard and most likely not sustainable. Make a goal to limit your sweet intake to something that would be realistic for you and possibly taper it down each month until you get to where you aren’t depriving yourself but are eating healthier.
Make a wish list of goals- Using your identified SMART goals and choose the ones that mean the most to you to accomplish first. Keep the list, your goals may change and you may end up crossing some off the list that you no longer wish to pursue.
Make a plan- This goes with cutting it down into bite size pieces. Decide how long you think it will realistically take and schedule it out.
Start now- Don’t say I’m going to eat the whole batch/package of cookies now and not eat any cookies for a month starting Monday. Make a SMART goal and start it right away.
Be Compassionate with Yourself- There is a good chance you will have some slip ups, don’t let them halt your progress. You are human, say “oops, I don’t feel great about that. I’ll do better tomorrow” and continue moving toward your goal.
Announce it- I’m not saying announce it on social media or during a work meeting, but for me, I need someone to know my goals to help hold me accountable. When I’ve written 50,000 words in a month, I announced it on my family text chain. They would check in with me and ask me how I was doing and encourage me. I’m not sure I would have been able to achieve that goal three times without their support. This past November I made a goal to read one of my previous stories everyday that month and I didn’t announce it on my family chat and I ran out of steam after 11 days. Maybe you have a small book club, family text chain, close coworkers, or friend group you could use to announce your goals or intentions.
Have a buddy- I also wouldn’t have accomplished the 50,000 word goal without daily check-ins with Adriana. Having a friend, family member, or partner that is working on the same goal or willing to be your cheerleader helps. I run much farther when I set up a running date with my friend Sarah. I am more likely to go for a walk if my daughter, boyfriend, or friend joins me. Sometimes, Adriana and I text each other and set cleaning or writing pomodoros and work toward our goals together but 1,000 miles apart. Body-doubling is also great. A couple of days ago, I was working on organizing my room and without being told, my daughter was inspired to clean her room too. My daughter and I currently have a 34 day streak on Duolingo. My mom has joined us as well. We are all learning Spanish. If they weren’t doing it too, I’m sure I would have missed some days or stopped like I did the last time I tried it without a buddy. My boyfriend and I often compete to see who can earn the most fitness points using our apple watches. I find I workout more on the weeks I compete with him.
Cut it into bite sized pieces- For example saying I’m going back to school is a big goal and overwhelming. Breaking it down makes it more attainable. Schedule out the smaller steps like researching schools for 30 minutes, make a plan to call a counselor to find out more about the school, etc.
Celebrate little wins- You wrote for 30 minutes for the first time in a while, and you were so into it you wrote a little past the pomodoro. Celebrate! Maybe eat a piece of chocolate, walk your dog around the block, watch an episode of that new show you’ve wanted to try. Be kind to yourself and celebrate those little steps you are making to accomplish your goals.
Find like minded people- Do you want to write? Join a writer’s group or sign up for a workshop. I completed an 8 week virtual writing prompt workshop this past November and one of the people in my workshop offered to keep meeting virtually at the time of our class. I’ve only joined a couple of times, but I wrote and have chatted with people with similar goals. I also recently finished a 12 week ADHD virtual skills group and I offered to open up a virtual meeting at the same time as our group and it’s been super helpful to chat with women facing similar struggles. Starting a writing group for our guildedmonocle writers is on my wishlist of goals, hopefully we will make it an accomplishment soon.
Find an app for it- Your goal might be as simple as taking your medicine when you are supposed to and a timer may not be enough. Adriana and her mom have found pillboxie to be super helpful for that. If you want to learn a language, the free duolingo version is great for me, it is very slow, but I feel more accomplished doing a Spanish lesson for a few minutes then scrolling on instagram. It is in small lessons so it doesn’t take up too much time. There are lots of apps to help with executive functioning too.
Schedule it- Something that I am still struggling with is planning things in one calendar or planner everyday. The therapist who led the ADHD skills group I attended as a big advocate of this. It can be digital or paper, just put everything in one place. I’m not a big fan of putting things in a digital calendar. Or of making a habit to check it daily a few times, simply because I never do it! She suggested looking at it during a meal or setting timers in your phone to check it. I’ve been working on this for a couple of months and I’m definitely failing but haven’t given up. I do see the benefits in it and just ordered a dated planner that I am hoping will be what I need to make this a habit and a tool to accomplish other goals by scheduling them.
Schedule a backup day- Back to scheduling. Scheduling something once that you don’t have to do, like call that university, write or exercise can be easily skipped, especially if you are doing this on your own without having a buddy to hold you accountable. Maybe schedule it on a Monday and a Wednesday at a realistic time that you will be available and hopefully in the mood to do it. If you miss it on Monday, then do it on Wednesday and celebrate that win.
Keep it up- Don’t let failure cause you to give up. Stop and reassess, are your goals SMART, did you just have a bad day, week or even month? If you need to tweak your goals and plans, do that, don’t give up though.
You’ve got this, you can do hard things!
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